My Little Jewel

As I mentioned in a previous post, TWO of our girls had birthdays just over a month ago. While I wrote about life today with one of those girls, I haven't forgotten about the other one. It's just taken me a while to gather my thoughts and to find the words that describe our life with her the best I can.

This one is my little jewel. My heart can hardly stand to see her grow up. I didn't know I liked little kids so much, but now that my baby is on the verge of leaving me little kid-less, I'm becoming aware of the spark the little ones bring out in me.

Meg always finds something to be excited about and she feels no need to mask her enthusiasm for anything. I love the way she holds my hand and skips into the grocery store, or drags me along with her "super powers." She anxiously anticipates the end of all of our shopping trips when she gets to stand and hold onto on the side of the shopping cart while I push her out to the car, and she can never resist the thrill of sticking out one arm or leg because it makes her feel like she's flying. When she runs and jumps over Buddy on her way to her bedroom, I feel so happy that my heart nearly jumps out of my body. I can't even be irritated that she's splattered paint over our floor, walls, and most of her clothes because painting makes her so, so happy...and if it makes her so, so happy, then we all know I'm even more joyful.

All of these things seem to fade and go away with growing up, and that is almost unbearable for me. And while I crave order and more time for myself, some of my best memories are sure to have occurred in times of chaos when other demands and seemingly pressing needs had to have been lurking around every corner. Life with a little one is demanding and it's hard, but nothing compares to the feeling of a little hand slipping into mine with the sweetest "I love you mom" that sometimes follows.

Little Meg is my jewel because she reminds me to discover the treasures of being a mom. As she gets bigger, learns more, and becomes more independent, she is reminding me that there is no turning back. Of course that's obvious and a no-brainer. Everyone knows there's no turning back, but knowledge and experience are two separate things. Meg is my last chance to make everything right that I've done wrong with my other girls. She's the last little kid I will ever have to help me see life with the purity, innocence and discovery through which she sees and experiences life. She helps me appreciate and drink in her stage of life and along the way I'm getting better at appreciating and drinking in the stages of life of all three of my girls.

Meg's stage of life is lots of things. It's exciting, exasperating, and exhausting. It's hard, it's fun, and it's only going to be like this for a while...until it changes into something else that might be equally as hard and fun. But it's only going to be four-year-old fun just this once. And this is what four-year-old fun looks like for us today...

• Every sentence is more fun to say and definitely funnier if the words "booty" and "poop" are worked in.
• "If you'll let me [do what I want], I'll give you two hug-es and kisses." And if I try to kiss her during one of the hugs she's giving me, I get in trouble and we have to start all over.
• Desperately wants bangs and glasses in order to match her sisters.
• Thinks she can't watch a TV show without snacks. "Can I have fishy crackers and a show?"
• She told me once that she doesn't want to go to school anymore because "I just want to do fun things with you." What kind of fun things you ask? "Fun things like go to Target, go to Macey's (the grocery store), go to Hobby Lobby, go to Wal-mart." She definitely lives a different, more grown-up life than Brita and Leah ever did. She doesn't even know about playgroups at the park, having friends over to play, or Inflatable Fun Land with all kinds of jumping and bounce houses.
• Super irritated because she doesn't know how to read yet.
• Loves to sing. My favorite is when she makes up her own songs. She asks me to sing her favorite primary song, "Scripture Power" at least a few times a day.
• Thinks she should get a Jamba Juice every time she's brave at a doctor's appointment. She usually says she wants Strawberries Wild, but I've started getting her Pomegranate Pick-Me-Up because she trades with me every time.
• Incessant jabbering every time we get in the car. No car ride is relaxing with Meg.
• Stories are a necessary part of every day. I am frequently instructed to tell her the "Clam Story" (Ariel) and she often requests some favorite scripture stories - Ammon Defending King Lamoni's Flocks; Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego in the Fiery Furnace; Moses and the Brass Serpent; Young Samuel being called by the Lord; Samuel the Lamanite on the wall.
• Wears her leotards to tumbling in an "A-B-B pattern. One day I'll wear pink, then blue, then blue, then pink again. Okay mom?"
• Asks me every day at lunch "Would you like to join me at my little table?" How could the answer to a question like that ever be anything but YES?!
• She makes life almost unbearable for Leah because "she's SO annoying!" Meg finds all the trinkets, crafts, and jewels in Leah's bedroom absolutely irresistible.
• Bali and Sirexa - her sisters that are part of her "sister community" and that go with her many, many places.
• "All of the sisters in my sister community have honey's named Jerr-ad. I can say my dad's name now. Jerr-ad."
• The brothers in her "brother community" all have weird names that change daily.
• "In my brother community, I have one brother who is nice and one brother who is annoying." I'm sure this has nothing to do with how she feels about her sisters.
• I loved the question I got this morning, "Mom, do you have some cleaning materials that I can use to clean the paint off my little table?"
• Wants a "piggy tail" every morning when I'm fixing her hair.
• Pink and purple and yellow are the best colors in the world.
• Sparkles and sprinkles.
• She always wants more snow so she can play in it, then she turns around and is begging to wear her sandals.
• Butterflies and pretty things. Pretty things and more pretty things.

I often think about how blessed I am to have Meg in my life. I remember a time when I felt at peace with the thought of calling our family of four complete. But Jared never had that peace and he wanted our family of four to grow to five. He was sure he wanted one more. But I wasn't sure I was willing to risk another disappointment or loss. I can't imagine what my life would have been like without the faith and gentle persuasion of my husband, whose conviction gave me the courage to finally consider and pray about the idea of another. Meg has made me a better mom for all of my girls and because of her I've been able to appreciate things about motherhood that I never appreciated before.

Four years with this little girl has changed me in ways I would have never imagined. She has filled in so many of the missing pieces in my life, she's healed me, and she's helped cement our family together. She's my little sweetheart...my four-year-old jewel.