All About My Girl

Because my girl is growing and changing and becoming more beautiful each year, I want to remember the things that are significant about her in this very moment. She has changed so much since she was four, yet the changes have been so gradual that I don't even notice them. When she's fifteen or sixteen or twenty five, I want to remember what life was like with her when she was eleven...because life with her today is so sweet.

I took these pictures of her on the beach in California. I love them because in them I see that she is becoming a beautiful young woman. I love them because sometimes I have to see my daughter from a distance in order to really see her for who she is. When we're up close and personal all the time, sometimes I get stuck in the past and forget that she is changing and becoming more grown up. She's learning so much about herself and becoming comfortable with what she finds. Finally, she's beginning to see some of the beauty in herself that I've hoped she would open herself up to finding. She's still unsure, but gaining more confidence all the time. She's learning that she can do hard things, that she can endure sticky situations, and that it's okay to grow into herself without being perfect in all things.

This past year has been one of growth, acceptance, and understanding for both of us. I can only explain what that means by comparing our lives this year to our lives at this time last year. I'm not gonna lie - last year (Brita's fourth grade year) was hard and down-right sucked a lot of the time. Brita is a deep, bright, introspective thinker. She is also emotionally very much a fifth-grader. That combination can present some interesting and desperate parenting challenges in itself at most times. Throw on top of that a toxic teacher-student relationship last year in addition to parents who are experiencing all of this stuff for the first time, and that's a tough road to travel.

Our lives felt like a disaster zone a good share of the time. We worked hard. We cried bitter and sorrowful tears. We jumped over hurdles and we did our best to work our way through, around and over all the obstacles, even though we already felt completely worn down. We did everything we could to try to come together as a family, even though it felt like we were getting pulled apart most of the time. Brita was frequently discouraged and anxious. We were both frequently stressed and volatile. But we never stopped trying to chip away at walls that seemed to only get stronger and more impenetrable with each swing.

This is the kind of stuff that takes its toll on a self-esteem. This is the kind of stuff that takes its toll on a family. This is the kind of stuff that goes on behind closed doors that you hope no one knows about, yet that makes you want to cry out for support from others more than anything else. Fear of being judged can make life so lonely and dark sometimes.

But this year, the persistence, prayer, and hard work are giving us rewards. Life is good. We still have tough times, but there really wouldn't be a point to life without some rough roads to navigate. I'm so proud of Brita. She has been courageous as she's learned more about who she is. She knows she has high expectations of herself and she's learning to become content with some imperfections. She has bravely stepped up and tried new things and she is learning to stick with things, even if they're hard.

She makes me laugh. Even though I understand it, her sense of humor still catches me off guard sometimes. She sees the greatest ironies. In her class they had a "shop day" where they bought things from and sold things to each other as part of an economics unit. Her teacher laughed when she told me that in one of the girls' stores there was a bookmark that said, "Read Less. Watch More TV." Later I found out that Brita was the clever creator of that little jewel. Of course she was.

We have some of the best conversations. Her great vocabulary and gift of expressing herself makes her such an interesting person to talk to. I love listening to her talk to her friends and I love reading the witty notes they send back and forth to each other. Her creativity really comes through in her writing. And as I listen to her with her friends and read the things she writes to them, I can tell she is speaking and writing freely, feeling total acceptance and no fear of judgment. I love that she has found friends who really get her and who are like her, and who make it easy for her to be herself. I know her life is so much more full now than it used to be. But then selfishly, I get a little sad because I don't sense that she is as free with me as she is with her friends, thanks to the long-term baggage we carry around with us. I just pray everyday that I can know how to effectively communicate to her that I accept her and love her too. I want to know how to accept her offerings of herself in a way that communicates total acceptance and understanding. I think I'm getting better at this. But I guess I'm still learning some things too.

Brita is still, and will always be, an avid reader. I believe that her books have been a significant contributor to her success in life and to her ability to push through life's junk. Having her books has meant that she's always had a friend. She bonds with her books. A day without reading would be unthinkable for her. She's bucking the classics, but she is considering our challenge to read "Little Women" in return for a Brandon Mull book she wants to add to her collection. She loves Greek Mythology thanks to Rick Riordon's books, and she's also quite fond of the "Fablehaven", "Horrible Histories" and "Shakespeare Can Be Fun" series books.

She has some amazing artistic talent. The things she has been bringing home from her art class recently absolutely take my breath away.

Like this drawing she gave to Jared for Christmas:

And this fairy she named Alfred:

Brita is passionate about her life and I love that. She loves to wear scarves, she likes to dress in her pink cords w/ green hoodie because it makes her look like a watermelon, and she prefers to let her hair hang down in her eyes. She likes to mis-match her socks, she loves to bake and check out cookbooks from the library, and she lives for the time she can spend on the computer.

She loves going to church Activity Days twice a month, except she gets mad at me when I make her ride her bike over. She practices the piano every day and is showing some amazing talent. She is pretty agreeable about doing most of her jobs and she is super responsible most mornings about getting herself up and out the door on time for school. She resists going to church because it's boring and she will forego playing with the neighbors in favor of reading a good book. She wants to be on a debate team because she excels at making good arguments, and she takes some kind of odd pleasure in being disagreeable and opinionated (her father's daughter for sure). She's a critical, analytical thinker and she makes all kinds of fascinating connections between pieces of information that she puts together.

She doesn't see the point in making her bed because she's just going to get in it again. She prefers to use the laundry room as her closet so she can save herself the effort of carrying her laundry up and down the stairs. She loves to put on her robe at night and read after her shower. Sometimes she prefers sleeping in her sweats and a comfy t-shirt as opposed to regular pajamas. She loves the softness and texture of her teal blanket and loves to push it way down under her covers, giving her feet a nice warm bed for the cold nights.

Brita regularly negotiates with Leah on Saturday jobs - Leah cleans two toilets, while Brita cleans two sinks, and somehow they both feel like they're getting the good end of the deal. She is a pro at MarioKart and she kicks my trash anytime I play with her. She loves to play Dominion anytime we pull it out and she loves wrapping up her day by reading "Lord of the Rings" with Jared.

Brita loves to have reasons to smile. She's not always quite sure how to fit in, but she keeps on trying. She gives me reasons to smile everyday and she always fits in with me. I love that she's my girl.

I meant it when I said that life is good. Life is good because my little blondie isn't so little anymore and as she looks into the future through those beautiful blue eyes, she's seeing promise and hope.