Categorizing My Friends

I am a categorizer. My pantry could be one example of how I like to categorize things. I organized all my canned goods into these nifty FIFO (first in, first out) shelves, then I realized I like to store more soup than I made shelf-room for. I originally had one space for Minestrone soup and one for Chicken Noodle. But then I started buying more kinds of soup than just those. So I changed one of the labels to say "assorted soups" and I felt so much better after that. I still have to randomly throw in some of my chicken noodle soup cans, which bugs me a little but not enough to justify a complete overhaul of the system. My point is that I like my categories to be somewhat organized, but I always leave some room for flexibility.

This leads me to friends. I've really done okay with my friend categorization until recently and I feel a complete friend-categorization overhaul coming on. This is a good thing, I think to myself, as it's keeping me more current with the times. I'm tapping into the world my girls are quickly becoming immersed in and I'm at least going to know a few things about their world.

I'm suddenly seeing firsthand how easy it is for parents to become lost in the swarm of gadgets and technology, only to be labeled "out of touch". I don't know how to operate an iPod, I've never text-ed anybody (I don't know why I feel the need for a hyphen in that word, but I do...another sign of my cluelessness I suppose), I only once learned how to use the camera on my cell phone and haven't touched it since, and I just barely threw myself onto the Facebook bandwagon.

Besides the fact that I am being slow at figuring out Facebook, I'm also confused. I don't even know if I'm supposed to capitalize Facebook, but I'm pretty confident that I'm supposed to keep it one word. I finally found my wall, so I'm making some progress.

I know everyone else already knows its ins-and-outs, but I'm explaining it here in my terms for my own clarification. Once you sign up, you can search this worldwide searcher tool that can find pretty much anyone who currently exists on the planet. You're supposed to look for long-lost friends you want to re-connect with. Or you can search for current friends you want to keep connected with, I suppose, and have yet one more means of snooping into their lives. Once you find your friends, you can invite them to be your Facebook friend. And it says right there on the screen something about how you can only add people who are really your friends.

I wish they'd include a definition of "friend" so I could know we're all basing our invites on the same information. My dictionary "The New Merriam-Webster Dictionary" (which isn't so new anymore...1989) says a friend can be one of five things:

1) a person attached to another by respect or affection
2) acquaintance
3) one who is not hostile
4) one who supports or favors something
5) a member of the Society of Friends: Quaker

I'm not sure what definition is appropriate for my new Facebook friends. Some of them must fall into definition numbers 3, 4, & 5. Regardless of how these people are my friends, I feel the need to be schooled in the protocol for making and keeping friends. I've never really figured this out. I've never been big socializer. I've never known how to be popular. Maybe this could be my big chance, if only I cared about that now.

I have loads of questions after these few days of having a profile. Should I be flattered by invitations from people I hardly know, don't know, or hardly remember? Am I being used just to increase someone's current plethora of friends? What are the responsibilities that come with a Facebook friendship? What if I don't know the person who invited me to be a friend, yet they obviously consider me to be one since they clicked OK when the screen told them they had to know me? Is it rude to ignore an invitation? How do I handle a rejection if one comes my way? Should a chance encounter find me face-to-face with a Facebook friend, it is appropriate to use my speaking voice and body language to communicate, or are we limited to wall postings and status updates? If actual speaking is not allowed in the aforementioned situation, should I have a laptop with me at all times in order to be prepared for such an occurrence?

And most importantly, what category do Facebook friends fall under? Until now I've had limited categories of friends:

1) My minestrone soup friends - those I see and talk to frequently and who are aware of my current life.

2) My chicken noodle soup friends - those I occasionally see and talk to and genuinely enjoy being around, casual acquaintances, or those I have known for years and make occasional contact with.

3) My assorted soup friends - the new ones I make room for.

I don't know of any other categories I could add for my soups, and I feel the same about the categories for my friends. But like I said at the beginning of this post, I've got room for some flexibility in my life. I just need to figure it out.

Do I need to create a new category for friends who are purely the Facebook kind? Can I just throw them all into the same category or will I need to create sub-categories as well...Facebook friends from my past, Facebook friends in my present, Facebook friends I am allowed to call, Facebook friends who only want my status updates, Facebook friends who only invited me to be a friend so I will write on their wall, Facebook friends I haven't met yet but will likely run into someday, Facebook friends I will never meet or speak to.

How is a simpleton like myself supposed to wrap her mind around all of this?

It would be so much easier if the the dictionary defined a "friend" as a Mormon instead of a Quaker. That would cut down on 98% of my friend-definition anxiety. I'm convinced the only way I'll be able to maintain a level head is to overhaul my friendship categories. Hopefully that will help me be better at this new approach to friendshipping. Hopefully I'll still have some friends by the time my categories are ready.