The Focus

We had an amazing stake conference last weekend with Elder Perry as our visiting authority. I am grateful for his council and for the direction we received from him. But I must admit that the talk that I am mulling around in my head more than any other, is the talk from our Stake Relief Society President during Saturday night's session.

The stake is focusing on strengthening families and the Relief Society President encouraged us to view motherhood in a more positive light than most people seem to do these days. She shared experiences of going to baby showers where all everyone talks about is how hard babies are, how difficult pregnancies are, and how difficult childbirth is...with each person trying to top the last hard, horror story. She suggested that we focus more on the positive aspects of motherhood rather than the negative.

I get what she's saying. Motherhood is a sacred gift. There is nothing that can match the experience of bringing a new life into this world and being present through all of his or her stages of life. Watching the personalities that emerge from those little spirits so soon and sometimes so unexpectedly is one of the most fascinating experiences I have had in my life. Being able to use my talents and gifts to bless my children's lives has been most fulfilling. And feeling that I am in a true partnership with God, as He gives me (His child) inspiration to lead and guide my children (who are really His children first) is humbling and teaches me daily of a Heavenly Father's love for all of His children.

Like my Stake Relief Society President, I reverence my role of mother and thank my Heavenly Father every day for blessing me with a family who I never knew I could love so much.

Now comes that big BUT...

After I had my first baby, I sure would have LOVED to have someone ask me if I was doing okay and validate my feelings of not feeling up to the job. Instead, the majority of people I talked to assumed that I was loving being the mother of a newborn and they rubbed their rosy pictures of motherhood in my face, which actually made me feel even less adequate and I wondered even more if God had made a mistake. I sure didn't feel cut out to handle the challenges that were overwhelming me at the time, especially when everyone else around me seemed to be doing just fine.

After about six months, I did start to come out of my post-partum depression. But six months is a long time to feel isolated and alone. I eventually figured out my new groove and even though I'm okay with it now and even love it a lot, it's still darn hard.

When Brita and Leah were little (just a side note...that period of their lives is now a blur to me) I made an effort to contact every new mother around me and share some of my "hard" experiences. Some of them were fine and didn't need any words of encouragement from me to hang in there, but so many women thanked me for being real with them and felt encouraged to know that someone else besides them felt discouraged and frustrated. And some of these same women let me know that it was good for them to see that I had gotten through all of that and had figured out how to enjoy my role as a mom.

I totally respect what the Stake Relief Society President was saying and I agree with her in so many ways. At the same time, I still feel a need to be real. I feel like I would be compromising my integrity or my authenticity if the only impression I wanted others to have of me is the good stuff and nothing else. I also think we're all here to help each other, and I think being honest is crucial if we are really going to be able to help and support someone else.

But maybe impressions are the key to the whole thing. Maybe the Stake Relief Society President wasn't talking about impressions other people have of us or about painting rosy, unrealistic pictures of our lives for the world to see. Maybe this is a personal thing and not necessarily a public issue. Maybe she meant that it would be a good idea to take inventory of the day's cherished, joyful moments each night. Because surely, ending each day on a positive note would make me more excited about the possibilities of the next day. And even in the midst of a crappy day, surely one or two good things must have happened that could make me look forward to tomorrow with some hope for some happy moments. So this is the message I am receiving for myself from her talk. And I'm excited to see how my perspective and attitude toward my "life's work" changes as I take a little time each day to focus on the positive aspects of being a mom and of having a family.