Comfort Zones

I took the girls to the park the other day. Mostly so Leah could play. Brita read a book the whole time we were there and Meg sat on my lap, not wanting to venture into unfamiliar territory. I didn't try to push anyone outside of their comfort zones this time, mostly because I'm tired of being pushed out of mine lately.

The next day I was browsing through my blog, feeling pretty satisfied with its content. We've captured a bunch of memories that otherwise would have been lost. I thought about how much I love my family and I realized that much of what we have captured in our blog reflects the things I have loved about my life. As I was browsing, I stumbled upon this post and I couldn't stop reading and re-reading it. Really??? Did I REALLY say this...

Then I want to look through my windshield in anticipation of the future and be grateful for a new phase. I want to be excited about the differences, the newness, the unknown. I want to embrace the changes, remembering in the moments of discomfort, insecurity, and anxiety, that LIFE is happening, character is being developed, something is being learned.

How did I know back in January that in this month of my life there would be many moments of discomfort, insecurity, and anxiety? Did I know then that today I would feel completely outside my comfort zone? Did I know in January that August was going to be SO SO hard?

I don't feel like I am transitioning well. But it looks like I knew enough about myself in January to see it coming. I had a revelation of sorts that was preparing me for this struggle.

Back in January I chose to live by the word embrace for the year 2009. I did embrace brilliantly for the first half of the year, making sure our impending move didn't overshadow life and become our focus. I lived and loved our last months in Texas. I embraced them. But I suppose it's easy to embrace what's familiar and comfortable.

Now that I'm living the anticipated changes, I don't really want to embrace anymore. I don't like not having friends. I don't like not knowing what I'm going to do from one day to the next. I don't like that my older girls will be leaving me in a couple days to walk into an unfamiliar school where they will be surrounded by unfamiliar people. I don't like that our house is still in transition mode. I don't like feeling like a stranger at church still. I don't like not having a some structure to my life with a comfortable routine.

There's lots that I don't like. But in January didn't I say that in these moments "LIFE is happening, character is being developed, something is being learned"? It's true. Regardless of how I choose to spend each day, life IS happening, so am I living a life I'm proud of? Character IS being developed, but am I developing character worthy of respect--including SELF-respect. And I have no doubt that there ARE lessons in my circumstances, so am I learning those lessons?

I love that in my January post I actually said Regardless of my physical location, I have a life. I have a family. I am a wife. I am a mom. I have friends. I have responsibilities. I want to embrace my roles and responsibilities with gratitude..."

In light of this wake-up call, I'm changing my word to a phrase.

For the remainder of the year I will continue to embrace. But that's not enough for me in my present circumstances, so I choose to live the remaining days, weeks and months of 2009 more deliberately as I...

embrace with gratitude.

Why stay in my comfort zone when there is so much outside of it to be grateful for? Comfort zones are for sissies anyway.