We had a special birthday girl in our house last week.
She looks good but something's not quite right.
Wait a minute...
That's right. Much better!
We had TWO birthday girls in our house last week.
My oldest and my youngest sweeties share their most specialist day with each other.
And they don't even mind. In fact they like it.
Well, I know the newly turned nine-year-old sweetie likes it.
The newly turned two-year-old sweetie will like it when she knows what's going on.
For now the two-year-old sweetie just knows that for some reason
a bunch of presents were tossed at her and she got to eat ice cream.
I skipped the cake for the two year old this year.
Too messy.
How much fun am I?
I'm fun enough.
Fun enough that my two year old at least gets ice cream
even if she doesn't get cake.
Fun enough that last night Brita told me she'd have to drink tears instead of water.
I was frustrated and I admit it.
Frustrated because bedtime is hard.
Have I mentioned that before?
Frustrated because after I finally got them into bed and let myself feel
the anticipation of a couple hours of quiet solitude
they blindsided me with the
"I need a drink" line.
You know...the line that tacks another 20-60 minutes onto the bedtime routine.
I let out my exasperated sigh.
I think it was the sigh that crossed the line because it hurt Brita's feelings...sort of...so she said.
I decided to begin my quiet solitude in my own head.
Told the girls they were on their own.
I'm not sure how late they were up after that.
Sometimes I just have to cut myself off so small things don't escalate into big things. It's okay to remove myself once in a while and last night it was the right thing to do. I'm not sure how it happened, but eventually the girls settled down and went to bed...voluntarily, not at the demand of a heavy hand and a big voice. And feelings were spared for the most part (once the forced tears dried up). Too often I give into my momentary frustrations and it only leaves behind hurt feelings, damaged relationships and regrets. Too often, I allow myself to focus on the challenges of being a mom rather than the blessings.
Last night though, I thought about our neighbors who are going through what's got to be the most challenging experience ever. They came so close to unexpectedly losing a son. For the past four days they have been relying on faith and prayers for the life of their son. The updates from this precious one-year-old boy's mother have been inspiring. Once again I am reminded of the sacred nature of the family unit.
The past four days it's been easy to see blessings in things that are typically frustrating.
Today I can see that backpacks
dropped in the middle of the family room floor are a blessing.
Today I can have patience when my whining two-year-old
reaches up for me to hold her for the hundredth time in an hour.
Today I can remember that my children were given to me
in the form of a blessing from a gracious, loving, and merciful Father in Heaven.
Today my gratitude is consuming me. I have joy in my family.
I have joy in a nine year old who talks to me like a friend and tells me that she is grateful for the special relationship mothers have with their daughters. I have joy in this daughter who craves my attention and will do anything to get it. I have joy in this nine year old who is pressing on and trying to make sense of a world that her mind and intelligence understands far better than her emotions do.
I have joy in a free-spirited seven year old who doesn't know how to match her clothes. I have joy in the way this seven year old expresses herself with authenticity. I have joy as I witness the strength of this seven-year-old spirit, her sensitivities, and her maturity.
I have joy in a self-serving, stubborn two-year-old who says "Thank you mama" each time I give her an apple or take her hand to help her up the stairs. I have joy in this two-year-old when she allows me to close my eyes, hold her cheek-to-cheek, feel the softness of her skin, and breathe in her scent for a few minutes before laying her down to sleep. I have joy in knowing that this two-year-old is surrounded by love and questions her expectations to be the center of the universe never.
I have joy in a husband who shows his love to me by simply still being with me. I have joy in a husband who comes home from work each day not knowing what form of greeting lies behind that closed door, but who chooses to take his chances and walk through the door anyway. I have joy because I am this somebody's "best girl" and I like that.
I have joy in my family.
I am humbled.
I am grateful to Matt and Sara for their faith
and for encouraging me to squeeze my babies a little tighter
and love them a little bit more.
My heart and my prayers go out to them.
4 comments:
I felt like I needed to escape today... I didn't (don't) want to do anything. So, I'm hiding from my kids in need of a BREAK. Too many late lonely nights of fighting my kids by myself and I totally understand the "I need a drink... " ritual. Ug. So, I escaped by reading blogs and I was glad I came to yours. You're a very good writer. And mother. Happy Birthday to your girls, they share it with Michael. Thanks for the break :)
You really are a great writer. This is a very nice post. Boy, do I hear you on the bedtime frustrations. BOY do I. We should talk on the phone some time during those. :)
I have a colleague and friend who is in her 50s/60s and told me once about the extreme pain and depression she went through as an empty nester. She told me how when her boys were home, there was always a pile of shoes and socks that was the bane of her existence. She was always so frustrated by that pile. And then she told me what she wouldn't give to have that pile there and to appreciate it. I've always been glad for that story. Puts things in perspective.
On another note, what's on your walls? Those letters? Did Meg teach you to write on the walls?
That was beautiful! It's so nice to escape sometimes. It's just a Mommy version of time out, and aren't those just so important? Having a hugely emotional experience right next door really can clean up your vision to the blessings all around you. Hope your neighbor's son pulls through. Hang in there, the "drinking my tears" is an absolute classic!
Thanks for the priority adjustment. I needed it this morning!
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