Appropriately Fussing

Am I cheating my older girls by the amount of fuss I make over Meg? I'm not sure. I try to remember to make a big fuss over the two of them...admittedly, some days it's much easier and effective than others. But I praise them, spend time with them, and give them plenty of hugs and kisses every day. I also yell at them, bug them about slowing down while they're practicing the hard parts on their piano pieces, and get easily irritated over some of their tween behaviors.

But I know I gush over pretty much everything Meg does. How can the older girls not feel the difference? Yet, even though I'm aware of the unbalance, it doesn't seem to change the gushing at all. Meg is the only little one left and I stop in my tracks to hang on her every word and action. I just know from experience that a more grown-up, sophisticated and sassy voice is going to replace that melt-my-heart three-year old voice sooner than I'll be ready for it. And while I don't want another baby, I don't want my baby to leave me baby-less either.

When Meg jumps into my arms and squeezes me tight, I wonder to myself how I can mark that memory and never forget how that feels.

When she says something in a grown-up, mature way in her unmistakable toddler voice, I make a plea to no one in particular that she'll keep that voice and her innocence forever.

When she gets so excited over going to Macey's because she gets to ride in the "car" shopping cart and get smarties at the checkout line, I cross my fingers tight and hope that she'll always be so excited about something so simple.

When she asks me not to leave and tells me that she just wants to be with me, I shed tears inside my heart and wonder how long it will be until that all changes.

The thing that's killing me, is that I know it's all changing even as I try to pretend it's not. She's growing up and in the process, I'm becoming baby-less. And that makes me feel sad.

But then I look at Brita and Leah, who are both becoming beautiful young women and I love what I see them becoming and the direction I see them both going. And while the tight arms around the neck with the spontaneous "I love you's" are not as frequent as when they were toddlers, the deeper conversations and occasional sincere hug are every bit as sweet and treasured to me.

While I hold on tight and watch Meg make the amazing transformation from little girl to big girl, I thank my lucky stars that she has two of the best role models to look to. Role models who were once equally gushed over and are now respected and loved in totally different ways...different, but every bit as much.

As Brita and Leah pull the princess around the house in her chariot, I realize I'm not alone in my gushing and fussing over Meg (the picture is totally fuzzy because the girls wouldn't give me long to snap it...the princess had places to be and important things to do that day).

I've finally peacefully come to the conclusion that given the circumstances, the fussing is totally necessary and completely appropriate. And I'm going to continue appropriately fussing as much and as long as is appropriately possible.